Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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