i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
