Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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