Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
