Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
