I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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