spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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