What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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