i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
