Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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