how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
