i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize