i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize