I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
