As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
