my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
