best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
