i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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