READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
