the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
