she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
