Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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