What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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