New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize