my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
