My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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