Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Terrible idea I love it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
