What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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