i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
