i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
