In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
