me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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