Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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