I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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