God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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