I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
