If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
