dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
