I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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