He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
