big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
