He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
