:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
