Dude my mom stole all your condoms
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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