the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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