This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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