yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
