ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
