he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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