omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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