I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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