did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
