Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
