I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize