ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All the doctor said was why
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
