Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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