I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
