I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
