Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
