He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
