oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
