let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
