Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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