i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
