I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
