rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
