i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
