i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Randomize
