she smelled like a LAN party
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
