I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
