Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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