I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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