its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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