I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
