Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
