I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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