4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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