We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize