Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As shirtless as possible
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
