Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
