Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
