so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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