he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
