Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
