We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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