I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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