I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
